I had a really difficult night last night with body acceptance. I'm my own worst critic and it took a lot of self control to not snack on everything in the kitchen last night. Because, you know, eating bad food helps your self confidence about your weight and what you see in the mirror. It makes total sense.. Vicious, vicious cycle.
I went for a run yesterday morning and although it took a lot to get me out of bed I felt great afterwards. I just could not get myself to get up this morning to run. I regret it now, of course, but since I started crying as soon as Patrick got home I was exhausted. Maybe my mind and body need a rest day..
I held in the tears for as long as I could, but as soon as he got home I lost it. I cried about the zipper on my dress, I cried that I thought it would need to be taken in and it probably doesn't, I cried that Isabel had more energy than I could handle and I was losing my patience, I cried about crying. Then I slept. And now it's a new day and I'm starting it with a different attitude.
Today is going to be a good day. I'm going to drink a lot of water to try to flush my system of the sodium from yesterday. I'm going to go on two walks today, one on my 15 minute break at work and one on my lunch break. I may try to get a third walk in tonight as well. I already have a workout plan for the rest of the week and I'm going to get in another run before our long run on Saturday.
I have to remind myself that it's not that bad. I'm letting the really little things get to me and when I'm in the moment they seem huge, but when I calm down I can see that these things are manageable.
I tried on my new tops from Marshall's last night and was disappointed in the way they were fitting. Tip #1- do not try on new clothes when you are hating your body. I'm going to wait a few days to try on the ones I didn't like. I want to blame sodium for how I felt yesterday since I went out for lunch with my co-workers and went out to dinner (for sushi) with my mom. Who knows. All I can do is start fresh today and focus on the day I'm in.