Thursday, May 3, 2012

Writing #2

Today's Reminder: "Today I will share honestly about something that has been nagging at me. My life deserves my attention."

I recently allowed myself to speak openly and honestly about something that was bothering me. I spoke about it with the person who had emotionally hurt me (instead of venting about it to other people like I normally do, expecting results) and I did it in a safe place. I said my peace and gave this person the opportunity to make theirs.

I promised myself that as soon as I received an explanation for the words said that I would let it go. I had already accepted numerous apologies but without a reason I couldn't actually forgive. Once this person was honest, not just with me, but with themselves, I was able to finally forgive and finally able to let it go.

This experience, although rather insignificant in the grand scheme of things, really was a learning experience and an important first step in learning how to respect myself. If I am able to be open and honest about my feelings, then nobody has any right to say anything. No one can tell me how I feel or how I should feel unless I allow them to.

No matter how significant or insignificant something may be, if it's something that is nagging me, then maybe it's something worth opening up and talking about. Once it's out in the open then all that's left is dealing with it, learning from it and then letting it go.

Without giving my life, my feelings, my attention I am only giving other people permission to do the same. I am telling them I am not worth their attention either. I end up pushing my feelings down and I ignore them until they inappropriately appear, usually in the form of anger over something so small and unnecessary. That's not fair to anyone involved. I'm slowly realizing that it's especially not fair to me.

If I respect myself by talking about things that bother me, the I'm setting the standard for everyone else to do the same. I deserve respect, both from myself and from other people.

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