Over It! aka Starting Over- Yet Again...

I cannot begin to count the number of times that I've attempted to lose weight and start exercising. I can only imagine it's a large amount. I think the only thing that bothers me about the times I've tried is it's the same number of times I've failed.

I'm really over the number of times I've blogged about how I'm starting again, only to have it last a couple weeks, if that. There are times where it doesn't even last a day and I end up deleting the post.

I feel like I've fallen off of the wagon and I'm a little shy to get back on in fear that I'll fall again. I can mentally feel myself struggling with the decision to start yet again. I'm not happy with my body but I'm also not sure if I want to do anything about it. I really don't want to fail again.

I'm not sure what method is going to work for me. I've had success with Weight Watchers in the past but honestly don't want to spend the money right now as I'm still attempting to get out of debt and build my savings. I'm not sure if I want to do My Fitness Pal again. I love the easiness of the website and feel that I could have success with the program, but I don't know if I want to track every single calorie again. I also struggle with the "eat more to weigh less" theory.

I just don't know why it seems to be such a struggle with me. There's either too many calories or not enough. Too many carbs. Too much or too little of everything. Then I get frustrated and fail. I go all in with exercising and end up getting burnt out, but if I keep it simple and only do a few days a week then I feel like it's not worth it.

I'm mentally struggling and I need a solution. It's such a mind game! Why is it when I gain ten pounds I can tell a difference and my clothes don't fit, but when I lose ten pounds (sometimes more) I can't see a difference and my clothes fit the same?

So I guess I'll start again and hope at some point that it sticks and I can have a success. I'm going to try MFP again since it is free. I'm going to track everything- the good and the bad. I'm going to measure. I'm going to find my self control and I'm going to be proud of myself when I do succeed (daily and weekly) and I'm not going to focus on my slip ups.

I can do this. I know I can. I've done it before. I can lose the weight and keep it off for good.

Starting weight: 168.8