As November raps up I am reminded that I still have about 1500 words to write tonight to reach my goal of 50,000 words for NaNoWriMo. Although I will not be submitting my novel on the site, I am planning on calling it a success.
My novel is no where near done at it's current word count of 48,514 words. Considering it's an ongoing journal I don't know if it will ever be done. At least not until I give it to Isabel.
I think participating in NaNoWriMo really gave me a kick start to writing this and I'm really glad I decided to participate this year. I'm honestly not sure I will do it again unless I have a really good idea for a fiction novel, but I'm really happy I did it this year.
That being said, it's on to the next challenge. While searching the Weight Watchers boards this morning, I was pointed in the direction of a new challenge for December. WEverb12 is a series of prompts, one each day in December, that are intended to help you reflect on the year.
I really think this will help me blog more often and get out of this little funk I'm in. There's no harm in trying.
Showing posts with label Writings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Writings. Show all posts
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
NaNoWriMo- Check In
Today is day 7 of NaNoWriMo and I am well on my way to finishing early. As of last night I had reached 20,000 words.
I will admit that I feel like I'm cheating in a way. My novel is not fiction but, as mentioned before, a book of letters from myself to Isabel. I really think this makes it easier to write since it is personal.
I'm not going to stop though, and at some point would like to actually find a way to have it made into a book. I fully intend to continue writing for awhile after this contest is over. I want to at some point give this book to Isabel, most likely when she's in her twenties.
I'm really glad I started this and am looking forward to some therapeutic writing sessions when I get into some personal details about our past together as mother and daughter. It's going to be difficult to get through no doubt, but it should be good for me to finally get it out. A glass of wine (or four) may be required that night...
I will admit that I feel like I'm cheating in a way. My novel is not fiction but, as mentioned before, a book of letters from myself to Isabel. I really think this makes it easier to write since it is personal.
I'm not going to stop though, and at some point would like to actually find a way to have it made into a book. I fully intend to continue writing for awhile after this contest is over. I want to at some point give this book to Isabel, most likely when she's in her twenties.
I'm really glad I started this and am looking forward to some therapeutic writing sessions when I get into some personal details about our past together as mother and daughter. It's going to be difficult to get through no doubt, but it should be good for me to finally get it out. A glass of wine (or four) may be required that night...
Thursday, October 25, 2012
What Did I Just Do...?
I've never considered myself to be a writer. I don't have many ideas to write a great novel. Most of the poems I've written rhyme because it's easier. I once wanted to write a children's book about potty training, but never got around to it and have since lost the rough draft.
I took one creative writing class once in college. I don't know if it was laziness or if it was the fact that everyone else was amazing, but it made me realize that writing was not something I wanted to do and was not something I had a passion for.
But I've been feeling lately that I need a little more. Now that the wedding planning is over I feel like I have a lot of spare time and I want to fill it with more than just trash TV.
Then I came across this. It seemed interesting and something I might want to attempt. I mean, maybe there is something more inside of me that I have yet to discover because I haven't tried.
So, I signed up today here. I'm now in the process of creating my profile and learning about what this entails. I'm already beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed, but I'm hoping these tips they provided will help:
1) It’s okay to not know what you’re doing. Really. You’ve read a lot of novels, so you’re completely up to the challenge of writing one. If you feel more comfortable outlining your story ahead of time, do it! But it’s also fine to just wing it. Write every day, and a book-worthy story will appear, even if you’re not sure what that story might be right now.
2) Do not edit as you go. Editing is for December and beyond. Think of November as an experiment in pure output. Even if it’s hard at first, leave ugly prose and poorly written passages on the page to be cleaned up later. Your inner editor will be very grumpy about this, but your inner editor is a nit picky jerk who foolishly believes that it is possible to write a brilliant first draft if you write it slowly enough. It isn’t. Every book you’ve ever loved started out as a beautifully flawed first draft. In November, embrace imperfection and see where it takes you.
3) Tell everyone you know that you’re writing a novel in November. This will pay big dividends in Week Two, when the only thing keeping you from quitting is the fear of looking pathetic in front of all the people who’ve had to hear about your novel for the past month. Seriously. Email them now about your awesome new book. The looming specter of personal humiliation is a very reliable muse.
3.5) There will be times you’ll want to quit during November. This is okay. Everyone who wins NaNoWriMo wanted to quit at some point in November. Stick it out. See it through. Week Two can be hard. Week Three is much better. Week Four will make you want to yodel.
And we’re talking the good kind of yodeling here.
So, now I'm off to start brain storming an idea for a novel. We're not allowed to start writing until November 1st though so the idea I currently have may change.. I'm thinking of writing a book of letters from a mother (me) to her daughter (Isabel) from before she was born to the present. It will cover multiple areas of our lives together. We'll see how it works out..
I took one creative writing class once in college. I don't know if it was laziness or if it was the fact that everyone else was amazing, but it made me realize that writing was not something I wanted to do and was not something I had a passion for.
But I've been feeling lately that I need a little more. Now that the wedding planning is over I feel like I have a lot of spare time and I want to fill it with more than just trash TV.
Then I came across this. It seemed interesting and something I might want to attempt. I mean, maybe there is something more inside of me that I have yet to discover because I haven't tried.
So, I signed up today here. I'm now in the process of creating my profile and learning about what this entails. I'm already beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed, but I'm hoping these tips they provided will help:
1) It’s okay to not know what you’re doing. Really. You’ve read a lot of novels, so you’re completely up to the challenge of writing one. If you feel more comfortable outlining your story ahead of time, do it! But it’s also fine to just wing it. Write every day, and a book-worthy story will appear, even if you’re not sure what that story might be right now.
2) Do not edit as you go. Editing is for December and beyond. Think of November as an experiment in pure output. Even if it’s hard at first, leave ugly prose and poorly written passages on the page to be cleaned up later. Your inner editor will be very grumpy about this, but your inner editor is a nit picky jerk who foolishly believes that it is possible to write a brilliant first draft if you write it slowly enough. It isn’t. Every book you’ve ever loved started out as a beautifully flawed first draft. In November, embrace imperfection and see where it takes you.
3) Tell everyone you know that you’re writing a novel in November. This will pay big dividends in Week Two, when the only thing keeping you from quitting is the fear of looking pathetic in front of all the people who’ve had to hear about your novel for the past month. Seriously. Email them now about your awesome new book. The looming specter of personal humiliation is a very reliable muse.
3.5) There will be times you’ll want to quit during November. This is okay. Everyone who wins NaNoWriMo wanted to quit at some point in November. Stick it out. See it through. Week Two can be hard. Week Three is much better. Week Four will make you want to yodel.
And we’re talking the good kind of yodeling here.
So, now I'm off to start brain storming an idea for a novel. We're not allowed to start writing until November 1st though so the idea I currently have may change.. I'm thinking of writing a book of letters from a mother (me) to her daughter (Isabel) from before she was born to the present. It will cover multiple areas of our lives together. We'll see how it works out..
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Writing #2
Today's Reminder: "Today I will share honestly about something that has been nagging at me. My life deserves my attention."
I recently allowed myself to speak openly and honestly about something that was bothering me. I spoke about it with the person who had emotionally hurt me (instead of venting about it to other people like I normally do, expecting results) and I did it in a safe place. I said my peace and gave this person the opportunity to make theirs.
I promised myself that as soon as I received an explanation for the words said that I would let it go. I had already accepted numerous apologies but without a reason I couldn't actually forgive. Once this person was honest, not just with me, but with themselves, I was able to finally forgive and finally able to let it go.
This experience, although rather insignificant in the grand scheme of things, really was a learning experience and an important first step in learning how to respect myself. If I am able to be open and honest about my feelings, then nobody has any right to say anything. No one can tell me how I feel or how I should feel unless I allow them to.
No matter how significant or insignificant something may be, if it's something that is nagging me, then maybe it's something worth opening up and talking about. Once it's out in the open then all that's left is dealing with it, learning from it and then letting it go.
Without giving my life, my feelings, my attention I am only giving other people permission to do the same. I am telling them I am not worth their attention either. I end up pushing my feelings down and I ignore them until they inappropriately appear, usually in the form of anger over something so small and unnecessary. That's not fair to anyone involved. I'm slowly realizing that it's especially not fair to me.
If I respect myself by talking about things that bother me, the I'm setting the standard for everyone else to do the same. I deserve respect, both from myself and from other people.
I recently allowed myself to speak openly and honestly about something that was bothering me. I spoke about it with the person who had emotionally hurt me (instead of venting about it to other people like I normally do, expecting results) and I did it in a safe place. I said my peace and gave this person the opportunity to make theirs.
I promised myself that as soon as I received an explanation for the words said that I would let it go. I had already accepted numerous apologies but without a reason I couldn't actually forgive. Once this person was honest, not just with me, but with themselves, I was able to finally forgive and finally able to let it go.
This experience, although rather insignificant in the grand scheme of things, really was a learning experience and an important first step in learning how to respect myself. If I am able to be open and honest about my feelings, then nobody has any right to say anything. No one can tell me how I feel or how I should feel unless I allow them to.
No matter how significant or insignificant something may be, if it's something that is nagging me, then maybe it's something worth opening up and talking about. Once it's out in the open then all that's left is dealing with it, learning from it and then letting it go.
Without giving my life, my feelings, my attention I am only giving other people permission to do the same. I am telling them I am not worth their attention either. I end up pushing my feelings down and I ignore them until they inappropriately appear, usually in the form of anger over something so small and unnecessary. That's not fair to anyone involved. I'm slowly realizing that it's especially not fair to me.
If I respect myself by talking about things that bother me, the I'm setting the standard for everyone else to do the same. I deserve respect, both from myself and from other people.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Writing #1
Topic: "Though we may never be perfect, continued spiritual progress will reveal to us our enormous potential. We will discover that we are worthy of love and loving."
For as long as I can remember I've started a relationship by giving the other person a warning. "I'm not perfect. I have flaws and a lot of them." Not once do I tell them the positive things that make me who I am.
I don't tell them about my successes as a single mother, I tell them about the struggles. I don't tell them about my passion for photography, in fact I can't remember the last time I showed anyone my work. I don't tell them about my most recent accomplishment of completing the LA Marathon, instead I explain how it was my sisters goal and I did it with her to support her. As if all the training and crossing the same finish line at the same time means something more for her. And I don't tell them about my excitement of being engaged and my quickly approaching wedding date, instead I openly question his decision of picking me.
If I choose to only show my negative characteristics, my imperfections, then I am giving that person an out, a reason to not stay, a reason to not love me. If I choose to not show people the qualities that make me who I really am, the good things that I should be proud of, then I won't be hurt or disappointed when they choose to walk away. It is my goal to make myself appear to be unlovable because... I fear love.
Doing this has caused me to build massive walls around my heart. Even though I'm the one afraid of being walked away from, it is me that has blocked these people from knowing the real me and I've pushed them away by showing them who I want them to see. And yet I still blame them for hurting me.
Another problem is that I've made myself appear to be unworthy of love and I've said these things so many times that I believe they are true.
From the beginning I never claim to be perfect and I don't intend to start, but maybe I need to start giving myself more praise for my positive qualities. Maybe I need to feel vulnerable. Maybe I need to accept love. I'm not perfect but I do deserve to be loved. Most of all I need to love myself. Because how can I accept love from another person, how can I give my love to another person, if I can't love myself?
For as long as I can remember I've started a relationship by giving the other person a warning. "I'm not perfect. I have flaws and a lot of them." Not once do I tell them the positive things that make me who I am.
I don't tell them about my successes as a single mother, I tell them about the struggles. I don't tell them about my passion for photography, in fact I can't remember the last time I showed anyone my work. I don't tell them about my most recent accomplishment of completing the LA Marathon, instead I explain how it was my sisters goal and I did it with her to support her. As if all the training and crossing the same finish line at the same time means something more for her. And I don't tell them about my excitement of being engaged and my quickly approaching wedding date, instead I openly question his decision of picking me.
If I choose to only show my negative characteristics, my imperfections, then I am giving that person an out, a reason to not stay, a reason to not love me. If I choose to not show people the qualities that make me who I really am, the good things that I should be proud of, then I won't be hurt or disappointed when they choose to walk away. It is my goal to make myself appear to be unlovable because... I fear love.
Doing this has caused me to build massive walls around my heart. Even though I'm the one afraid of being walked away from, it is me that has blocked these people from knowing the real me and I've pushed them away by showing them who I want them to see. And yet I still blame them for hurting me.
Another problem is that I've made myself appear to be unworthy of love and I've said these things so many times that I believe they are true.
From the beginning I never claim to be perfect and I don't intend to start, but maybe I need to start giving myself more praise for my positive qualities. Maybe I need to feel vulnerable. Maybe I need to accept love. I'm not perfect but I do deserve to be loved. Most of all I need to love myself. Because how can I accept love from another person, how can I give my love to another person, if I can't love myself?
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