Dear Journal, 4/30/13

Dear Journal,
Q: Whst are three words to describe your social life?
A 2012: Nonexistant, sad, pathetic
A 2013: Minimal, electronic, depressing

Picture of the day 4/30:

Dear Journal, 4/29/13

Dear Journal,
Q: Who can you make happier? How?
A 2012: I could probably make Patrick happier by making it easier for him.
A 2013: It would have to be me. I need to work on making me happy. Not sure how yet. I'm sure as soon as I can start running I'll be happier.

Picture of the day 4/29:

Dear Journal, 4/28/13

Dear Journal,
Q: Who would you trade places with for just one day?
A 2012: I would trade places with Patrick. I'd like to know what it's like to be him and to take one day from his current situation.
A 2013: I would trade places with Isabel. I would love to see the world through her eyes.

Picture of the day 4/28:

Dear Journal, 4/27/13

Dear Journal,
Q: What "type" of person are you?
A 2012: I am a codependent person.
A 2013: I am a passive type of person. I hate conflict and try to avoid it.

Picture of the day 4/27:

Weigh In 4/27/13

 



















Today's weight was a step in the right direction!

After the 5.2 gain last week I knew that all I needed to do to see a loss this week was to track my food. It's such a simple tool that is usually the first to go when you get lazy.

So I tracked and mid week I peeked at the scale and was pleasantly surprised to see a much lower number than what I weighed last Saturday. I unfortunately used that as an excuse to not track dinner Wednesday night. Which rolled into Thursday, which rolled into Friday..

Whoops!

Okay, so it's not a habit yet, and that's okay! It's not the end of the world to go a little overboard a couple days. Yes, I'm aware that it doesn't benefit my weight loss to do it that often, but it's also not going to keep me from trying next week if I have a margarita or cheez-it's.

I weighed in at 176.8, bringing me down 1.8 for the week and down 1.4 total. Can't complain.




















Back on track today and the plan is to add in some exercise this week, including walking, crunches, squats and lunges. Nothing too extreme, just a few of each every day. I'm going to continue to build on it until I am released by my doctor to do more.

Dear Journal, 4/26/13

Dear Journal,
Q: How much spare change do you have?
A 2012: I have no idea. Less than $5.
A 2013: I don't know exactly. I have a bucket for spare change, but since I rarely have cash it's pretty empty.

Picture of the day 4/26:

81. Go to Dinner by Myself

Does breakfast count?

I won't cross it off the list, but as I type this I am sitting in a restaurant having breakfast. Alone.

It's a baby step to get me comfortable to eventually take myself to dinner. I don't know why I have such a fear of this..

But I needed breakfast and Patrick's at work and Isabel's at school, so swedish pancakes for one please!

Dear Journal, 4/25/13

Dear Journal,
Q: Who do you need to call?
A 2012: A lot of people. I rely too much on texting and emails. I should really call instead.
A 2013: I need to call on a medical bill. It's from an injury a few years back and I'm really irritated that this issue has not been resolved yet.

Picture of the day 4/25:

At Least She's Honest...

I picked Isabel up from school today. She had a two page packet that they did in class today.

The first page has the alphabet on the left (both capital and lower case), numbers 1-30 on the right, shapes on both the top and bottom each with a color. The teachers went over each with the kids in the class and placed a red dot next to the letter, number, shape or color that the student needs to work on.

Isabel had zero red dots.

On the second page it had statements such as I can read my name, I can write my name, I know the letters of the alphabet, I play nicely, I can follow directions, etc and the student had to circle yes or no.

Isabel answered yes to every question except "I have good manners." The teacher wrote a note on the bottom of the page:

"I asked Isabel why she circled NO and she said, 'cuz I don't always listen to my mommy!'... She's honest! We adore her and look forward to her future."

Dear Journal, 4/24/13

Dear Journal,
Q: Is life fair? Yes? No? Sometimes? Not today?
A 2012: Life is fair. It's your perspective on it that makes it not fair. Everything happens for a reason.
A 2013: I agree with my answer from last year. It's very easy to get caught up with thinking that things are not fair and that everyone and everything are against you. I still think that everything happens for a reason, even if it doesn't seem like it in the moment.

Picture of the day 4/24:

Dear Journal, 4/23/13

Dear Journal,
Q: How would your parents describe you?
A 2012: They would probably describe me as a very generous, easy going person.
A 2013: I think they would describe me as stubborn and their duck (I let things roll off my back, like a duck with water).

Picture of the day 4/23:

Dear Journal, 4/22/13

Dear Journal,
Q: You wish you could stop __________ from happening.
A 2012: I wish I could stop domestic violence and child abuse from happening.
A 2013: I wish I could stop terrorism from happening.

Picture of the day 4/22:

Reasons..

I have attempted to lose weight on quite a few occasions. I'm very open about my weight and my journey. To me, the number on the scale is just that. A number. It does not define me. It does not make me a better person. It does not control me...

 

There is one thing that I have not done before and I feel may be a necessary part of succeeding.

 

I have never made a list of reasons why I want to get in shape and be healthy. It's always just been something I want because I don't like the way I look, but it's so much more than that. So much more.

 

I realized I wanted to make a list shortly after Patrick asked when we could start to get in shape. In normal circumstances I may have been irritated at the assumption that he thinks I need to get in shape, however being so open about my weight loss (and more important, my negative self talk) gives him pretty clear insight into what I may need on my journey.

 

I've asked Patrick quite a few times if he would join me with working out and eating healthy. Every time we tend to make it a few days together we both end up falling off the wagon.

 

But this time it was his idea, and I think that's what might make this stick this time around. He gave himself a start date of May 1st, but I knew I needed to start sooner rather than later.

 

So I started last week by making a list of reasons why I'm doing this and this week by going to my Weight Watchers meeting and I've tracked for the last two days, which is a good start.

 

Reasons Why I Want To Get In Shape:

1. To have more confidence

2. To be more comfortable with my body

3. To be prepared for and complete The Dopey Challenge

4. To have more energy

5. To be a better influence on my children

6. So my husband will find me attractive

7. To feel good in a bathing suit

8. To feel strong

9. To reach my goal weight and maintain it

10. To spend at least one whole day without thinking about my body negatively

Dear Journal, 4/21/13

Dear Journal,
Q: What do you want to say when someone asks "What do you do?"
A 2012: I wish I could tell them I owned my own business doing cross-stitching.
A 2013: I want to be able to tell someone that I do something I'm passionate for. To be honest I wish I could be a marine biologist.

Picture of the day 4/21:

Ronald Reagan Library

We recently went to the Ronald Reagan library. It's less than 5 minutes from our house, and they usually have some pretty interesting exhibits on top of the presidential memorabilia.

For the past year or so they have had an exhibit for Disney archives. We were just able to fit it into our busy schedules, two weeks before it leaves.

Weigh In 4/20/13

I haven't been to a Weight Watchers meeting since March 23rd.

Yes, there was a pretty obvious reason, however that does not excuse the way I've allowed myself to eat for the past month. So, I knew that if I didn't get back to a meeting then I would continue to gain and that is the last thing I want.

I weighed in and gained 5.2 pounds this last month, making my total weight loss since starting a gain of 0.4. So it's time to get my behind in gear, especially since the weather is warming up and it's going to be swim suit season soon. And our family vacation is quickly approaching.

So, with the advice from my therapist, I'm going to do one thing at a time, incorporating one thing weekly. I tend to go all or nothing and that rarely works, so this week I'm focusing on tracking this week. Just tracking.

Dear Journal, 4/20/13

Dear Journal,
Q: How many times did you curse today?
A 2012: Way too many times. I realized recently that I like to curse and then realized that I shouldn't. I still do though.
A 2013: Not that much actually. Mostly because I was with my mom and Isabel all day, but I've noticed that on most days I curse less.

Picture of the day 4/20:

Dear Journal, 4/19/13

Dear Journal,
Q: What famous person would you bring back from the dead to have dinner with?
A 2012: I would bring back Marilyn Monroe. I would love to hear her story from her point of view.
A 2013: I would like to have dinner with Walt Disney. We went to the Disney exhibit at The Ronald Reagan library and it would be interesting to talk to him.

Picture of the day 4/19:

Dear Journal, 4/18/13

Dear Journal,
Q: Write down a problem you had to solve today.
A 2012: I don't think I had a problem to solve today. Patrick and I had our first pre-marital session today.
A 2013: I did not have a problem to solve today. Today was a full on rest day for both Isabel and me.

Picture of the day 4/18:

Dear Journal, 4/17/13

Dear Journal,
Q: What do you think is your biggest shortcoming?
A 2012: I have a very difficult time trusting people. You'd think after 3 years I'd be able to.
A 2013: I would be lying if I gave any other answer and didn't repeat last years answer. I am hoping to resolve this, but it's going to take awhile.

Picture of the day 4/17:

Boston

I just do not have the words to explain my feelings about yesterdays tragic events in Boston. It makes no sense to me and breaks my heart.

I found out by a text message. Isabel and I were in the living room watching a movie and Patrick was in the bedroom napping. I read the message and my mind raced while my eyes filled with tears. I waited until Patrick woke up before I turned on the news to watch the coverage. And then I couldn't stop.

I sat in silence, in devastation and in awe of what I was witnessing.

So many fellow runners have written wonderful messages and blog posts regarding yesterday, however there is one in particular that says almost everything that I would say if I was as good of a writer.

My heart aches for Boston, for runners, for those injured and especially for those who lost someone they love.

 

Dear Journal, 4/16/13

Dear Journal,
Q: What's a political issue that interests you?
A 2012: I don't follow politics as much as I should, but women's health is always on my list.
A 2013: I still don't follow politics as much as I should, and I'm not proud to admit that I'm not educated on many current events/issues, but gay marriage and equality is an issue that interests me.

Picture of the day 4/16:

Dear Journal, 4/15/13

Dear Journal,
Q: What celebrity would you want to interview?
A 2012: I'd like to interview Ashley Judd. She just did an interview about her weight and she's awesome.
A 2013: I would like to interview Kate Winslet, if nothing more than the fact people tell me I look like her.

Picture of the day 4/15:

Dear Journal, 4/14/13

Dear Journal,
Q: If you could acquire a talent (without any extra effort), what would it be?
A 2012: If I could acquire any talent it would be to be able to sing. I love it, but I'm not good.
A 2013: I wish I had talent in art, specifically drawing and painting. I guess I could try harder, but that's a lot of time and effort.

Picture of the day 4/14:

Lazy Sunday

After taking a break from pinterest I found my loved ones all doing the same thing.

These were all taken within a few minutes of each other.