February Goals

1. Run and/or walk 100 miles.
I did not reach my goal of 100 miles this month. I did make it to 81.67 miles though. Next month is going to be a high mile month. Rachel and I are running 22 miles on Sunday and the marathon is on the 17th. I will be up to 48 miles with just two days, so I'm not worried about making it up.

2. Read two books.
Success! I read Happier at Home by Gretchen Rubin and The Stepmother by Carrie Adams. Both were good books. I like The Stepmother better only because Happier at Home was very similar to The Happiness Project. It takes a lot for me to get into a book from the beginning and The Stepmother did that. Granted, it was a little too "too good to be true" of a story, but there was a lot in there that I related to, being a stepmother and all.

3. Take a cake decorating class.
Fail because the class was canceled.

4. Be confident in myself during my interview. Prove to them (and more importantly myself) that I deserve it. Not get down on myself if I don't get it.
Success. I explained this before, but I handled myself well even if my boss didn't.

5. Continue to post journal entries and photo-a-day posts.
Success!

6. Continue to pay off debt.
Success! I am awaiting two bills to arrive in the mail (within a week or two) and they will be paid in full. Then I will be 100% credit card debt free. I am coming up with a plan to finish paying back Isabel. I am also making a plan for my savings account and I am feeling great regarding my finances!

7. Start printing pictures for photo albums.
Success! There are a lot of CDs that I have to go through, but I have started. I'm going through my CDs and printing from a few of them at a time. I'm then organizing them into envelopes by month and will eventually be putting them into the albums that are empty and have been for years. Yes, empty for years..

8. Start (and finish) the 21 Day Organization Challenge.
Fail. In fact, the apartment is less organized than it was at the beginning of the month. I don't know why, but it's something that I want to work on and just can't seem to figure out.

Dear Journal, 2/27/12

Dear Journal,
Q: Are you the original or the remix? Why?
A: I'm the original, because there's only one me, but at the same time I'm really nothing extra ordinary, so I'm a remix of something better.

Picture of the day 2/27:

My Apologies

I have not been a very good blogger lately.

Yes, I've been blogging daily, however my blog posts have not been interesting to say the least.

I am hoping to get back into the swing of things soon..

I will continue to post my journal entries and photo of the day posts every night (I need to feel like I can cross off something from my bucket list this year) but I want to also start blogging about my weight loss journey. I think it's a little late to start blogging about training for the marathon, but I'm sure that will be a part of it too.

To be honest, I'm getting a little sick and tired of failing at this weight loss thing. I know the fault falls to me because I'm not working the program. I may be tracking, but I'm not eating healthy. So once again, we start over.

Today is my first weigh in for this umpteenth go at this.

Starting weight: 178.6
Goal weight: 145-155

Rewards:
5% (-8.5 lbs): new books & new music on itunes
10% (-17 lbs): hair cut
-25 lbs: new outfit from New York & Co
*Goal: massage

*Goal will either be 145 (if reached) or maintaining between 145-155 for a few weeks. I know my body and I know that 145 may be a difficult weight to maintain at, so I'm going to let my body decide where it's comfortable. Once I maintain for a while I will let that be my goal weight and reward myself.

Once the marathon is over on March 17th I will be getting into working out again. I feel like I tend to over do things and putting the pressure of a workout routine on my already busy schedule just seems like a set up for me to fail.

I'm hoping that by being more conscious of the things I am eating and not just eating what I want I can get back on the weight loss wagon and find that motivation that I am seriously lacking right now.

Here we go again..

Dear Journal, 2/26/13

Dear Journal,
Q: Name one item you can't throw out.
A: I have a very difficult time throwing away any art made by Isabel. I just recently went through an overwhelming amount of art and saved quite a bit, however I did end up getting rid of a lot too..

For some reason when I get rid of something of hers I get an overwhelming sense of guilt, like I'm a bad mom for even considering getting rid of anything. But I know that my mom didn't save anything of mine and I didn't grow up messed up because of it.

Picture of the day 2/26:

Dear Journal, 2/25/13

Dear Journal,
Q: What's the last dream you remember?
A: I had a really weird dream last night involving the cast of Grey's Anatomy.. It was really strange, but I know it's because I've been listening to the seasons while working.

Picture of the day 2/25:

Dear Journal, 2/24/13

Dear Journal,
Q: Today you've got too much _____.
A: Today I got too much wind. I can't really think of anything else. It was so windy today that we had to cancel our 22 mile training run. I even got a headache brought on from the wind. I don't like wind after today.

Picture of the day 2/24:

Dear Journal, 2/22/2013

Dear Journal,
Q: What was your prevailing emotion of the day?
A: Excitement. There were some things that happened today that were exciting, but I can't really go into too much detail. Then there was a date with Patrick and a thought about the future regarding me going back to school to pursue my dream job. Not sure if it's possible, but I'm going to look into it.

Picture of the day 2/22:

Dear Journal, 2/23/2013

Dear Journal,
Q: What's the most embarrassing purchase on a recent credit card statement?
A: This is easy! Nothing!!! I haven't used any of my credit cards in months and will actually be credit card debt free at the end if this month! Woot Woot!

If this question includes my debit card, I guess it would be the amount of lion kong things I've been purchasing for Isabel's birthday party. Wild and crazy, I know.. I lead quite the exciting life!

Picture of the day 2/23:

Dear Journal, 2/21/13

Dear Journal,
Q: What is the current buzzword?
A: I honestly couldn't tell you. My buzzword is douchecanoe..

Picture of the day 2/21:

Dear Journal, 2/20/13

Dear Journal,
Q: What word did you overuse today?
A: Not too proud, but I overused the "F" word today, especially at work..

Picture of the day 2/20:

Dear Journal, 2/19/13

Dear Journal,
Q: Who is the craziest person in your life?

A: Hmmm... This is a difficult question to answer. I don't think I could consciously answer this honestly, so I'll just put the husband. Patrick's pretty crazy in more ways than one. And I love him for that craziness (no matter how frustrating it can get).

Picture of the day 2/19:

Dear Journal, 2/18/13

Dear Journal,
Q: What's the most expensive thing you're wearing right now?
A: The most expensive thing I'm wearing right now are my new running shoes. I love them..

Picture of the day 2/18:

Dear Journal, 2/17/13

Dear Journal,
Q: If you could change something about today; what would it be?
A: I would change the run this morning. It was only 6.5 miles, but man did it hurt for some reason.. I'd also go back and be more productive.

Picture of the day 2/17:

Dear Journal, 2/16/13

Dear Journal,
Q: What was the last performance or concert you went to?
A: The last concert I went to was The Fresh Beat Band concert with Isabel in November. I'll admit, it was pretty awesome..

Picture of the day 2/16:

Firecrackers!

Emma's first soccer game was today. It was a hot one, 82 degrees when I was driving home.

Her team won 5-2! Great way to start the season..

Weigh In

Today brought a close to my first week back to tracking and I would have to say it was successful. However, this is where things get tricky for me. I tend to do well for a week and then things go bad from there.

But I'm going to look at this as a challenge to make it another week with another loss.

Prior weight: 177.0
This week's weight: 174.4
+/-: -2.6
Total: -2.6

I won't lie and say that I was perfect this week, because I wasn't. I didn't always make the best choices and yesterday's movie date night with Isabel consisted of ice cream and a cadbury creme egg. But I never felt stuffed and I never felt guilty. Yes, some days I went over on calories, but some days I was under. I didn't stress over every little bite, lick or taste (BLT), but I did track it.

I'm going to just go with this momentum for now and see where I can go.

February Goals- Check In

1. Run and/or walk 100 miles.
So far I am at 39.93/100. I really need to step it up if I'm going to make it to 100 this month.

2. Read two books.
I am almost finished with the first book, but unless I get going on this goal as well I will probably only finish one.

3. Take a cake decorating class.
I had signed up for a 4 week cake decorating class, however the class got canceled by the teacher. There are no plans to sign up for another one until my wrist surgery is done and my wrist starts feeling better.

4. Be confident in myself during my interview. Prove to them (and more importantly myself) that I deserve it. Not get down on myself if I don't get it.
I succeeded in the confidence part. I did feel like I proved that I deserved it. I was okay with not getting the job, however the way my boss handled it was not the best and that's what upset me,

5. Continue to post journal entries and photo-a-day posts.
I've forgotten to post a couple of times, but posted the next day and I'm okay with that.

6. Continue to pay off debt.
My parents surprised both me and my sister with a portion of the money our Great Uncle left him when he passed away a few years ago. I decided to pay off my credit card debt with it, as well as put part of it toward what I owe Isabel. As soon as my bills arrive in the mail I will pay them off and be debt free!

7. Start printing pictures for photo albums.
I have not started this yet, but I plan to.

8. Start (and finish) the 21 Day Organization Challenge.
This is a fail. I did not last very long before realizing that it just wasn't going to happen. As of right now I have a never ending to do list that I keep on my phone and I am slowly, but surely getting to everything on the list. I think for me, this way doing things will help make it last longer.

Dear Journal, 2/15/13

Dear Journal,
Q: Write down the cure for a broken heart.
A: Everyone deals with heart break differently. There isn't really one cure for everyone, other than time.

Picture of the day 2/15:

Dear Journal, 2/14/13

Dear Journal,
Q: Did you kiss someone today?
A: Yes, I kissed my husband.. I kissed him goodbye this morning, I kissed him when I got home and I'll kiss him good night.

Picture of the day 2/14:

Dear Journal, 2/13/13

Dear Journal,
Q: What's your favorite question to ask people?
A: I like asking people questions that give me more information about them. So questions regarding their job, family, pets, school, etc.

Picture of the day 2/13:

Dear Journal, 2/12/13

Dear Journal,
Q: What is your biggest obstacle right now?
A: My biggest obstacle is myself. I get in my own way and self sabotage myself in all areas of my life. I don't know why or how to change it.

Picture of the day 2/12:

Dear Journal, 2/11/13

Dear Journal,
Q: How did you get to work today?
A: I got to work today by driving myself in my car. I honestly wish I worked closer to home because I'd like to think that I'd walk if possible.

Picture of the day 2/11:

Dear Journal, 2/10/2013

Dear Journal,
Q: If this day was an animal, which animal would it be?

A: This is an odd question, in my opinion, and I'm not really sure how to answer it.. Today was a cleaning/organizing type day and my first thought was beaver. Not sure why..

Then I asked Patrick his opinion.. His first answer? Flying bison. His second guess? Beaver.

Picture of the day 2/10:

Dear Journal, 2/9/2013

Dear Journal,
Q: How late did you sleep?
A: I woke up this morning at 4am. Patrick had to open and was up early. I needed to be up as well. Rachel picked me up at 6am for our run. Saturday mornings are very rarely sleep in mornings for me.

Picture of the day 2/9:

Here we go again..

I don't really know if it's going to work this time around. All I know is that I have to keep trying.

I know that training for a marathon takes priority over any concern with weight loss, however my eating habits have gone from bad, to worse, to I don't give a $*%&!

I don't like being in this mentality. It's a dark and cold place.. It's where I can come up with any excuse to not do something, and once I get it into my mind that I don't want to do something I'll do anything and everything to get out of it.

I know my motivation is out there somewhere. I just really haven't been trying to hard to find it. I've just been waiting for it to find me.

Here are some statistics for you:
1. I am approximately 20 pounds heavier for this LA Marathon than I was last year. And when I'm running I can feel every sine pound.
2. I am exactly 15 pounds heavier today than I was 4 months ago on my wedding day.
3. When I'm stressed, I will eat. Doesn't matter what it is.. Currently my stress level is high.
4. When I get serious about losing weight I become dedicated to the idea. I track every bite that goes into my mouth and I exercise 6 times a week, often 2 times a day. I then get told I'm obsessed and lose my drive to try anymore.
5. As of today I have 32 pounds to lose before I hit my "goal" weight. I haven't been this weight since before Isabel was born.

My goal weight is at the beginning/middle of the healthy weight range for my height. It's subject to change. Once I get to a healthy weight range I will adjust my goal to how I feel at a certain weight and what. weight my body can naturally stay at without having to try too hard.

I plan to weigh in weekly, on Saturday mornings before my run. I plan to take measurements monthly. Sometimes it helps to measure both because the scale not always shows your progress the way you'd like, but often at these times the measurements will have changed.

I'm not going to lie. I'm pretty disappointed with myself for letting all my progress with training last year, 30 Day Shred and the weight loss vanish. But it's not going to benefit me at all to think about the would have, should have or could have..

Starting weight: 177
Waist: 34
Hips: 43
Thighs: 25.5
Bust: 39

Dear Journal, 2/8/13

Dear Journal,
Q: Are you in love?
A: Yes, I am very much in love. I really never thought I'd find love like this. I am really lucky that I found my best friend who loves me as much as I love him.

Picture of the day 2/8:

Dear Journal, 2/7/13

Dear Journal,
Q: What are three things you have to buy?
A: I don't think there is anything that I HAVE to buy. I would like to buy:
1. a basket for Isabel's toys in the bathtub
2. more books for my reading list
3. some household products (kitchen cleaner, febreeze, trash bags, etc)

Picture of the day 2/7:

Dear Journal, 2/6/2013

Dear Journal,
Q: Are you seeking contentment or excitement?
A: I am seeking contentment. Always have, always will. I don't really think I'll ever seek excitement. It's just not the type of person I am.

Picture of the day 2/6:

Dear Journal, 2/5/2013

Dear Journal,
Q: What are you obsessively listening to?
A: I don't really have anything right now that I'm obsessed with music wise. I have my playlist on my iPod of purchased songs that I tend to start from the beginning every morning. Which reminds me that my iPod died tonight at work... But I'm too lazy to get up and plug it in. Dilemma..

I would say that I could listen to Ingrid Michaelson all day every day. I'm pretty much obsessed with her.

Picture of the day 2/5:

Dear Journal, 2/4/2013

Dear Journal,
Q: Outside, the weather is _____.
A: Outside, the weather is rather warm for it being February. Did someone forget to bring the rest of winter to Southern California?

Picture of the day 2/4:

Dear Journal, 2/3/2013

Dear Journal,
Q: On a scale of one to ten, how sad are you? Why?
A: I would say maybe a two? I'm not "sad", but I know I could be happier, so that's what I'm working on.

Picture of the day 2/3:

Dear Journal, 2/2/2013

Dear Journal,
Q: Who do you live with?
A: I live with Patrick, Isabel and Marley full-time. Every other weekend Kaleb and Leah are here.

Picture of the day 2/2:

Dear Journal, 2/1/13

Dear Journal,
Q: What is your resolution for tomorrow?
A: My resolution for tomorrow is to have more patience with Isabel. I tend to get frustrated really quickly with her and I need to work on that.

Picture of the day 2/1:

21 Day Organization Challenge

I found this on Pinterest last night and I absolutely love the idea. (Because, you know all the other challenges I've started have worked out so well..)

I'm going to change a few of the days so that it works with my living space, but I think it's a great way to get things done without overwhelming yourself.

Day 1: Medicine Cabinet
Day 2: Coat Closet
Day 3: Under beds
Day 4: Laundry Room
Day 5: Handbag
Day 6: Under sinks
Day 7: Fridge/freezer
Day 8: Kitchen cabinets
Day 9: Make-up
Day 10: Bedroom closets
Day 11: Garage  Work space
Day 12: Craft supplies
Day 13: Linen closet  Bathrooms
Day 14: Backyard  Patio
Day 15: Bedroom dressers
Day 16: Jewelry box
Day 17: Living room
Day 18: Attic/basement Night stands
Day 19: Car
Day 20: Playroom/den
Day 21: Relish in the cleanliness!

February Goals

1. Run and/or walk 100 miles.

2. Read two books.

3. Take a cake decorating class.

4. Be confident in myself during my interview. Prove to them (and more importantly myself) that I deserve it. Not get down on myself if I don't get it.

5. Continue to post journal entries and photo-a-day posts.

6. Continue to pay off debt.

7. Start printing pictures for photo albums.

8. Start (and finish) the 21 Day Organization Challenge.

January Goals

1. Run and/or walk 100 miles.
I successfully reach my goal of walking and/or running 100 miles this month. It definitely helped to have the 26 Angel Run on the 26th and I'll admit I slacked a little on my walking because I knew I'd reach my goal with that mileage. There are a few long runs in February, but I want to work on making my two walks at work a habit next month.

2. Read two books.
Success! I finished The Happiness Project by Gretchin Rubin and Please Stop Laughing At Me by Jodee Blanco. Both were excellent books and a joy to read. I started reading Apples and Oranges but I just couldn't get into it. I take no shame in not finishing.

3. Blog in my journal every day.
Success!

4. Take a picture and attach to journal every day.
Success!

5. Keep working on paying off debt.
Success! I have paid off $200 in debt for the month of January, which was my goal. I think the amazing thing is that although I don't like paying the bills because of the money being gone, I am excited to be watching my debt go down. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe I was too focused on the negative (spending the money on bills) and I didn't pay enough attention to the positive (being a step closer to being credit card debt free).

I decided that I am going to focus on being credit card debt free in 2013. My debt to Isabel is 1. To large at the moment and is distracting me from reaching my goal and 2. Is interest free and can be paid off over time. I fully intend to pay her back every single penny, however I think breaking my goal down to smaller goals (credit card vs Isabel) is easier to appreciate when I pay off a debt completely. For example, next month I will pay off a credit card and have three left. If I had Isabel's debt staring at me on my debt tracker than I wouldn't celebrate the fact that I've paid off a card, I'd focus on how much more I have left to pay off.

Not sure if that makes sense at all, but this is what's working for me at the moment. It's keeping me excited and I'm going to roll with it. I will adjust as I see fit in the future.

January was a highly successful month and I am really excited about that. As you may recall, last year I had some difficulty completing the goals I set for myself. This was in part due to difficult, unattainable, unrealistic goals I set for myself but mostly it was because of my lack of motivation, extreme skill at making excuses and pure laziness.

Finishing the month with success at all five goals makes me excited to start February off on the right foot. I've been thinking of some goals I'd like to accomplish and making sure they are manageable. Therefore, you will most likely see the same goals for next month with one or two new ones.